A Sister Learns the Real Meaning of Love

If you know me, and I think you do, you know that family is the most important aspect of my life. Thus, when one family member experiences a traumatic event, much like a ripple effect, I, too, am, affected. Kinda like the 'they hurt therefore I hurt' syndrome.

I think I underestimated such a phenomenon until 4 months ago. For it was then that my sister's husband woke up, decided he'd had enough of being a husband, father and provider and promptly exited stage right. And exit he did, Within days of purging the cliche', 'I've been unhappy for years and it's your fault' he was out and living elsewhere. Might I add that Father of the Year's new abode was over an hour away. Now tacky as it may be, setting up a new life sans wife on a moments notice isn't good enough. No. Not for this Cretan. He's set up a new life sans 7 year old autistic son. Yeah.

Now I'm not naive enough to believe that this evolved out of a vacuum and that people don't get divorced every day for a myriad of reasons, but just trust me when I say the execution of his departure spoke volumes about his character and I just had a nagging suspicion that this was only the tip of the iceberg.

Fast forward 4 months. Any attempt at reconciliation is moot as finalization of divorce has been left to the tasks of the attorneys. Attempts at mediation were hopeless as Cretan showed his true colors and threatened my sister when it came to finances and property. Kinda funny as he, himself, has only the equity of half the home and is now waiting on bated breath to be bought out. What about custody, you may ask? That, too, was moot as he never even wanted more than the requisite visits which came to two weekends a month. Even though he had never been Father of the Year, even I was surprised at his lack of initiative when it came to spending time with his son. But let me say for the record I am grateful beyond measure as he clearly needs stability, love, understanding, support and empathy, things Father of the year is incapable of supplying. Being with my sister is the best environment for him as she rocks as a mother and has always cherished that child. Yes, I'm biased but a truths a truth and it's just the way it is.

Now I could dwell in the minutia and explain every little aspect of what has turned into an acrimonious divorce, but I'll spare you the diatribe and instead tell you that I have developed a new found respect, love and admiration for my sister. She has come to really know in her heart that she is far better off without him and not only is she surviving she is thriving and getting copious levels of support from her endless supply of family and friends. It's kinda telling that not one of their mutual friends sided with the Cretan yet all of them came out in spades for my sister. And while there definitely have been nights of tears, fears and worries for what lie ahead I am proud and grateful to say she is well on her way to a full recovery.

In these four months I have come to know unbearable pain and loss through someone else's suffering. I have shed tears not of my own plight but of hers as to watch her endure and hurt over this has been almost unbearable. But I have also discovered a new depth of understanding and compassion for a sister I knew I had always loved, but never really understood the meaning of that love until now.

I'm so over insomnia....

You know you have insomnia when:

• You're jealous of the woman in the ambien commercials and would give anything just to be her.
• You actually consider purchasing Space Bags in every size, shape and color.
• Commercials become entertainment.
• Jimmy Fallon becomes the early show.
• You consider finding a friend in France so you can talk in the middle of the night.
• You no longer need night vision goggles to make your way throughout the house while it's pitch black.
• You get more done between 12 am and 6 am then you do all day.
• Blogging takes place only when it's dark.
• Online shopping takes on a whole new meaning...and so does your credit card.

Any additions for any of your fellow insomniacs?

Back In the Throes

Almost two weeks away from my blog is an eternity or so it seems as so much has transpired yet I've been away and unable to update. I hope you are all doing your personal best and that Mother's Day found you healthy, happy and able to honor your Mother, yourself or both.

I returned Friday the 8th from a much needed respite spent in Palm Springs where the most difficult endeavors proved to be weather to shop, spend lazy days by the pool or simply indulge in spa treatments. Deciding to partake on varying days in all of the above I indulged in an epicurean week of total rest, relaxation, retail heaven and revitalization. So pleasurable was my experience that I'm headed back for part deaux in either June or July!

Needless to say I was grateful for the opportunity to unwind following so much emotional and physical upheaval regarding my Grandmother. While she continues to beat the odds and pull through each day she is unable to do the majority of simple, yet imperative, tasks such as feed herself, swallow whole foods, walk without assistance, carry a conversation and recognize familiar faces or surroundings with regularity. While I worry about her and her future my primary concern still lies with my Mother who is still coming to terms with the myriad of changes that have occurred over such a short period of time. In short, I don't know how well I'd cope if my own Mother went from vibrant to unrecognizable overnight. Nonetheless we are all grateful for each day she is with us as each of us has a new appreciation for life and those in it.

On another front I have happy news to report; my girlfriend who was in the process to adopt a newborn spent her first Mother's day the proud Mother of Gabriel Christian. My heart is overjoyed for both she and her husband as they are over the moon and settling in quite nicely to being new parents. While I admit I still have feelings of sadness around my own inability to experience such a situation, those feelings are far and few between and have not eclipsed my complete joy and excitement for her.

On that note I will bid adieu...it's nice to be back in the throes of blog land and I look forward to catching up on all of your endeavors!

Tears and Fears

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes, thoughts and prayers. I flew home yesterday afternoon after spending a week in the hospital with my Grandmother.

While her vitals improved enough to transfer her to convalesce at the facility where she once held an independent apartment, her mental state deteriorates more and more as days go on. It seems impossible that it was only three weeks ago that we shared laughs over memories we'd frequently revisit as when I left her she was unable to recall who I was. She vacillates in and out of lucidity once telling me that my Grandfather ( who passed away 9 years ago) was standing behind me. Not missing a beat I asked her where she was and she answered. "Heaven", and when I asked who she saw there she replied,"All my loved ones." I truly believe she saw my Grandfather as well as those that have passed before as she was near death post surgery and disoriented since. She was barely recognizable when I first saw her as she went from a vital, robust 97 year old to a shadow of her former self. I'm well aware that most at 97 are indeed frail and fragile, however, she was truly an anomaly so it's been difficult to for the medical staff who didn't know her beforehand to decipher what her baseline is.

It's also been difficult on my Mom. I am so grateful I have been able to provide support and strength for her as she has done the same for me all of my life. Never did I think she would sob in my arms like a child but I am honored she was able to trust me with such raw displays of emotion. She has borne witness to things one would never want to see their Mother endure and I am so proud of the loving and gentle manner in which she treats my Grandmother. While it may be my Grandmother it is her Mom and I know nothing of what it's like to see your own Mother suffering, infused with tubes and foreign objects and near death.

She is slated to be in her one on one skilled care facility for the foreseeable future as she needs assistance feeding herself, using the restroom and doing just about any other basic function. I am ashamed to admit that I don't know what to pray for at the moment as, as much as I want her to live I know she will retain very little quality of life if she remains as is. Being that she has been given very little odds at improvement I wonder if it would be better if she quietly slipped away in her sleep with what little dignity she has left. I am crying as I write this and feel such sadness at the prospect of losing her but as I see it so much of her is already gone. My grief is as much around my own Mother's loss as it is my own as I hate to see her so sad. I suppose the best I can do is ask God to do what He deems best and let go.

But it hurts.

Thanks again to all of you who expressed concern and are saying prayers. I may not know all of you personally but I think you're pretty amazing.

Somewhat Somber

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter. I had a somewhat somber holiday as I found out day before last that my 97 year old Grandmother fell and broke her femur. What's more, she underwent emergency surgery immediately afterward and has yet to fully emerge out of recovery mode. She's been put in cardiac intensive care as her heart is having irregularities and she needs to be closely monitored.


Due to the recent developments I am going to fly out and be with both my Grandmother and my Mother (who is already there). While I want to see my Grandmother and be there in case anything happens, I am also going to support my Mother as she's having a really difficult time absorbing both what happened and what's to come. I've said before that my Mother is my best friend and has seen me through the myriad of trials and tribulations I've faced throughout my life so I think it only appropriate that I be there for her.


I would like nothing more then for my Grandmother to make a full and speedy recovery but, at 97, she will more then likely convalesce for a lengthily period of time. She is such an independent woman who prided herself on living on her own up until her 97th birthday at which point she entered assisted living. Although she moved from a house to a three room apartment she made the transition with grace and ease. It is because of this I get sad at the prospect of her living the rest of her days in a single, hospital-esque room. I worry about her spirits, her demeanor and her state of mind as so many changes along with her ailing body may prove to be too much. While I should take solace her her longevity I find myself feeling so sad for both the prospect of her death and my Mother's subsequent grief. I want to shield her from all the pain and help her through whatever happens. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but I'm only being realistic.


Anyway I will let you all know what transpires. Thanks in advance for keeping my family in your thoughts and , if you're so inclined, your prayers.

Blatant Neglect

I truly think justice can, at times, be not only blind but moronic.

Last week a 25 year old woman came forward alleging she was brutally raped in a New York subway in 2005. When two men began making lewd advances toward her and became overtly aggressive she tried, to no avail, to alert two attendants working in the station. She says they blatantly ignored her pleas for help and neglected to call for back up until it was too late. By the time officers arrived at the scene she had been raped twice and left for dead.

What really irks me is that a judge, after hearing her argument, decided to throw out the case as opposed to let the two men stand trial for failing to act. While I understand they were not directly responsible for her rape I have to ask what could have been done had officers been called as soon as she alerted the men on duty. They clearly saw she was in dire need of help and failed to act on her behalf. Doesn't that make them somewhat responsible? Even if it's not clear cut shouldn't it be left to a jury to come to that conclusion and not be shafted by a judge before the case can even be heard?

I hear she and her attorneys are going to appeal and I hope she gets her day in court.

I Wanna Talk To You...But I Don't

My sister just revealed to me either the most idiotic or ingenious concept ever - the jury's still out on this one. Pacific Bell has a calling system that allows you to call someone and go right to their voice mail without fear of them picking up the phone. You, like me, may ask why such a system is necessary. After all, you call someone to talk , right? Wrong. Apparently (and I am guilty of this...) many people return calls out of obligation and have no desire to talk to anyone but would rather leave a message. So much is this a normalcy that this system came to fruition. But trust me when I say that a panacea it is not.

Case in point...

My sister needed to return several phone calls but really didn't want to talk to anyone so, knowing about this calling feature, she decided to utilize it. Thing is, she OVER used it with regard to one woman who, also knowing about this calling feature, put two and two together and was ultimately offended. Truth is I'd be offended too is someone blatantly went out of their way to avoid me. Hence, I can't decide if this is really conducive to what people need or not. Deceit isn't excactly a characteristic we need to proliferate.

What say you?